Every picture tells a story

Oh, exciting day . . .

Thanks to burb and perk, I can now post pictures on my blog. For my first photo, I wanted to share with you something that I stare at every day, as it’s on my calendar at work. And without further ado, here it is:



This photo is from a calendar called “Weird U.S.A.,” which is a collection of photos of interesting and odd sites and memorabilia from all over the country. It’s a pretty cool calendar, especially as it came from the bargain bin at Barnes & Noble in mid-January. Although the photos themselves are awesome, however, the captions that go with the photos . . . are not. As an editor, I am particularly critical of captions anyway, many of which are poorly written at best or too cutesy at worst. Some of the captions in this calendar manage to encompass both of these characteristics and then some. Take, for example, the caption for the photo above:

Midgetville House: There is perhaps no more fabled place in America than the mythical village of Midgetville. We have investigated dozens of reported locations rumored to be the home of a colony of these vertically challenged individuals. In most cases, we have come up short.

There is so much wrong with this caption. First, the phrase “no more fabled place.” I consider myself fairly well traveled and well read, and I have never heard of Midgetville—how “fabled” can it possibly be? (If you, dear reader, have heard of Midgetville, please let me know.) Next, the phrase “mythical village of Midgetville.” I don’t know about you, but when I read “mythical,” I automatically think “not real.” In fact, here is the Webster’s Dictionary definition of “mythical”:

mythical 1. based on or described in a myth esp. as contrasted with history 2. existing only in the imagination: FICTITIOUS; IMAGINARY.

You get the idea. So, I’m thinking Zeus, Trojan Horse, Oedipus, etc. etc. . . . but the house in the photo is obviously real, or supposed to be real, so now we have another word—mythical—that doesn’t actually apply or make any sense. Next, “We have investigated dozens of reported locations. . . .” So, are the locations “mythical” too? Either you visited locations or you didn’t, and if you did, they are just “locations,” not “reported locations.” Then we have “rumored to be the home of a colony of these vertically challenged individuals.” There’s the “too cutesy” part. What, after calling your “mythical” place “Midgetville,” you’re afraid to use the word “midget”? It’s a little late to start getting all P.C. at this point, dear caption writer, if indeed that’s what you’re ballsy enough to call yourself. And finally, the froth on top of the whole damn cappuccino: “In most cases we have come up short.” WTF? Let’s count the ways in which this concluding sentence is just wrong, wrong, wrong:

1. Too cutesy (again).
2. Nonsensical. “In most cases.” Huh?? But not in this case? Have you found other small houses in other “mythical” places that you’re not telling us about? Or are there actually fabled Midgetvilles all over the damn country?? Idiot.
3. Completely unsatisfying. There’s so much the caption writer could have told us but didn’t. Where is this house located? (They never say!!) Are there other similar houses around it, thus creating a “village”? Who’s that guy standing there? Could he not put the cigar down for one minute? (You might not be able to tell from the photo, but the guy is holding a huge, unlit cigar in his right hand.) Did he go in the house to smoke his cigar? Is this the house of the midget Blair Witch? (That was my first thought.) Have you gotten any complaints from actual midgets (I mean, little people) for implying that they should all go live in a special “mythical village”? I mean, come on!! The possibilities are endless. What a blown opportunity. I’m so pissed.

(By the way, why does the door have siding on it?)

Tune in next month when I’ll post March’s awesome photo and sucky caption, complete with smart-ass comments! Can’t wait, can you?