I Heart Huckabees (not)
Study this picture carefully:
Who exactly is that holding hands with Kevin Spacey?
A. Julia Child
B. Janet Reno
C. Dame Edna
D. Bill O'Reilly in drag
Actually, it's none of the above. And actually, shockingly enough, that isn't Kevin Spacey. It’s Mike Huckabee, governor of Arkansas, and his, um . . . wife, Janet. (I’m sorry, but that totally looks like a man in drag. I mean, LOOK AT THE PICTURE.) On Valentine’s Day a couple of weeks ago, Mike and Janet decided to renew their 31-year-old wedding vows in a “covenant marriage” ceremony. (Sorry about the link to the Baptist site, but all the other links I could find were expired.) You can guess from the phrase itself just what kind of ceremony this was—one where it was made practically impossible for this couple to ever divorce, and also, they are now bound together permanently at the ankles with an intestine from a blessed sheep. Just kidding about that last part, but rest assured, these two people are joined.
(If anyone’s keeping track, here is yet another reason to hate Valentine’s Day.)
You know, whatever. I don’t care what these people do. I just don’t care anymore.
But, you know, it is kind of funny if you think about it . . . These are obviously hyper-religious people, so we can safely assume that their original marriage ceremony was pretty God-heavy. But that just wasn’t good enough, huh? Did God do a shoddy job of binding them together 31 years ago? Did someone, contrary to God’s direct orders, put that original bond asunder? From what I’ve read of the covenant marriage, it’s basically a legal bind, authorized by the state . . . hmm, does that mean the state’s authority trumps that of God?
Another question—how can I continue to be amazed at yet another example of hypocrisy and things not really making a lot of sense in the realm of the religious right?
Another question—would good old Mike and Janet like to literally take a knife and twist it in the back of every gay person who would like to get married the plain, old-fashioned, non-covenant way? I bet they would!
Another question—why do the chronically religious continue to allow us childless atheists to get married? I’ve wondered that for years.
Oh well. I’m sure the Huckabees will be happy for eons to come in the tight, tight, vise-like grip of covenant matrimony. After all, who wouldn’t be happy with a spouse who looks like Bill O’Reilly?
(Uh oh . . . )
Who exactly is that holding hands with Kevin Spacey?
A. Julia Child
B. Janet Reno
C. Dame Edna
D. Bill O'Reilly in drag
Actually, it's none of the above. And actually, shockingly enough, that isn't Kevin Spacey. It’s Mike Huckabee, governor of Arkansas, and his, um . . . wife, Janet. (I’m sorry, but that totally looks like a man in drag. I mean, LOOK AT THE PICTURE.) On Valentine’s Day a couple of weeks ago, Mike and Janet decided to renew their 31-year-old wedding vows in a “covenant marriage” ceremony. (Sorry about the link to the Baptist site, but all the other links I could find were expired.) You can guess from the phrase itself just what kind of ceremony this was—one where it was made practically impossible for this couple to ever divorce, and also, they are now bound together permanently at the ankles with an intestine from a blessed sheep. Just kidding about that last part, but rest assured, these two people are joined.
(If anyone’s keeping track, here is yet another reason to hate Valentine’s Day.)
You know, whatever. I don’t care what these people do. I just don’t care anymore.
But, you know, it is kind of funny if you think about it . . . These are obviously hyper-religious people, so we can safely assume that their original marriage ceremony was pretty God-heavy. But that just wasn’t good enough, huh? Did God do a shoddy job of binding them together 31 years ago? Did someone, contrary to God’s direct orders, put that original bond asunder? From what I’ve read of the covenant marriage, it’s basically a legal bind, authorized by the state . . . hmm, does that mean the state’s authority trumps that of God?
Another question—how can I continue to be amazed at yet another example of hypocrisy and things not really making a lot of sense in the realm of the religious right?
Another question—would good old Mike and Janet like to literally take a knife and twist it in the back of every gay person who would like to get married the plain, old-fashioned, non-covenant way? I bet they would!
Another question—why do the chronically religious continue to allow us childless atheists to get married? I’ve wondered that for years.
Oh well. I’m sure the Huckabees will be happy for eons to come in the tight, tight, vise-like grip of covenant matrimony. After all, who wouldn’t be happy with a spouse who looks like Bill O’Reilly?
(Uh oh . . . )
posted by flipper @ 3:47 PM
3 Comments:
At 8:01 AM,
David said…
Hmmm. No self-respecting Republican would want to hold hands with liberal maniac Janet Reno or French-lovin' Julia Child (God rest her soul).
But they MIGHT want to hold hands with upstanding Dame Edna. S/he is British after all and a strong pardner in the "Coalition of the Willing."
I love the fact that in their ceremony, the "wife" doesn't wear white because she is not . . . one assumes . . . virginally pure anymore. BUT she does wear the doctrinally pure GOP color red!
(The streets will flow red with the blood of the unrighteous!)
At 8:30 AM,
Anonymous said…
That is just scary! The "woman" in the photo looks more like 'd' than any of the other choices.
I'll go with O'Reilly in drag for the steal!
At 10:59 AM,
Sven Golly said…
This is great. Guvnah Huckabee still likes the looks of that big-boned girl after all these years. The man knows good stock when he sees it. And he ain't shy about playing to the crowd neither: And we got trouble / Right here in River City / With a capital T and that rhymes with D and that means DEE-VORCE! And how about this brilliance: "Something is wrong when the promises we make are promises that we find sometimes easier to break than it would be to learn how to keep them." Okay, Guvnah, whatever you say. I also liked the quote about covenant marriage being a speed-bump on the road to divorce. Yee-haw! Lock up the NASCAR vote. The man's got a way with words AND with the ladies.
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